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今天去拿了意向单,如无意外下周签三方。
如果没有因为口语太差说话嗓门实在太小等等的原因被人在实习期过后踢掉的话,未来一段时间内就要做老师了。虽然觉得俺这种人当老师,一方面不是教坏小朋友吗,一方面又普遍被朋友反映你会被欺负的吧,心里还是很没有底,不过在实际入了职做个两三年之前,大概做什么都是没有底的吧。

今天回家的路上在想,也许之前的二十多年里,俺一直都因为胆小如鼠,几乎从不去做没有120%甚至于150%把握的事情,换而言之,也就是懒到了骨子里,也懦弱到了骨子里。正因为这种懒惰和懦弱,所以其实没有努力过吧,至少没有特别努力过吧,一直都只是在任性地混日子而已吧,结果才会成了今日这种废柴,在面临只有70%甚至50%把握的时候恐慌万分,在做任何事情之前先去想最糟糕的结果然后陷入恐惧和自我厌恶,在丈量了自己和目标的距离之后首先考虑逃跑的可能,没有进步,没有行动,一直都这么笨拙而且无能,被自己设想的最糟糕的情景吓退。
有时候会想,其实你就是什么都做不成吧,但是又不甘心,总觉得活了这么些年而且还要继续活下去也总得有些价值啊,然后再次驳倒自己说究竟有些什么可以拿出来证明这种所谓的价值呢,在想例子的时候又觉得那些例子其实都是捕风,都是虚空,一边自高自大觉得我比上不足好歹比下还有余吧,一边又自暴自弃觉得屁啊你就算有什么也不是你自己的只是运气而已有什么资格比下有余,就这么在脑子里默默自我抬杠一百遍,最后不了了之还是没有结论,下次继续自我抬杠,周而复始。

要成为大人的话果然还是得改了这种习惯吧?或者说,要成为一个立派的人的话果然还是不能继续这样吧?都快变成社会人了还处于这种青少年心态(被揍),实在是太丢脸了……orz
PR

这本是一个月前在系图书馆看掉序言和第一章的,感觉很萌,可是昨天才发现……过期了orz,已经扣掉接近一块钱了TwT
于是趁着明天还书之前草草做一点摘抄,纯粹脑补用(自重
时限越来越紧,可是看起书来过眼即忘,真是太杯具了TOT……

因为跟APH没什么关系于是藏起来
For a second you see - and seeing the secret, are the secret.  For a second there is meaning!  Then the hand lets the veil fall and you are alone, lost in the fog again, and you stumble on toward nowhere, for no good reason!  It was a great mistake, my being born a man,  I would have been much more successful as a sea gull or a fish.  As it is, I will always be a stranger who never feels at home, who does not really want and is not really wanted, who can never belong, who must always be a little in love with death!

The making of a poet.  No, I'm afraid I'm like the guy who is always panhandling for a smoke.  He hasn't even got the makings.  He's got only the habit.  I couldn't touch what I tried to tell you just now.  I just stammered.  That's the best I'll ever do.  I mean, if I live.  Well, it will be faithful realism, at least.  Stammering is the native eloquence of us fog people.


Mama and Papa are right, I've been a rotten influence.  And worst of it is, I did it on purpose.  And it was your being born that started Mama on dope.  I know that's not your fault, but all the same, God damn you, I can't help hating your guts--!  But don't get me wrong, Kid.  I love you more than I hate you.  My saying what I'm telling you now proves it.  I run the risk you'll hate me -- and you're all I've got left.  Get me out of your life.  That's all.  Feel better now.  Gone to confesstion.  Know you absolve me, don't you, Kid?  You understand.  You're a damned fine kid.  Ought to be.  I made you.  So go and get well.  Don't die on me.  You're all I've got left.  God bless you, Kid.


前两段是Edmund的,第三段是Jamie的。在车上看得差点老泪纵横(喂!),真萌啊……家庭剧果然好虐> <

虽然实习对着电脑一整天不算,老板还抽烟抽很凶,眼睛疼啊orz

埃斯库罗斯的《俄瑞斯提亚》,上海译文83年版,灵珠译。
我终于还是借中文的回来看了(血泪),效率果然少许高那么……一点

有些脑补的段落摘下来存着再说


今年也最喜欢你啦!
加油写论文~出国以后也要加油哇><!不过我家相方一向都超棒的所以一定不会有问题=w=
默默抱住打滚><

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求职历程真是非常的九曲十八弯
只能尽量多地去试试看吧
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