雪姑娘推荐的big bang文While His Name is Still Spoken，收到推荐的当天看了大概三分之一，今天又看了一点，不禁觉得真是部需要细细品味的文
如果文太长的话有时难免会扫一眼看情节为主，但是这篇倒是打算慢慢看，作者mariana_oconnor小姐是之前我就很喜欢的一位作者，她的文很多长文，还没开始细看。不过我非常喜欢的hoosierbitch的一篇To Commond the Sea就是对她同名短文的改编，而且她还写过超可爱的幼年亚瑟，她的有些短文我也扫了一眼，觉得作者对亚瑟应该是真爱（喂！）于是她的LJ是我存在工作用电脑里打算慢慢品味的，big bang里有她的文基本也可以算我能放心大胆看的品质保障
虽然看同人就是要看喜欢的角色之间的互动，但有时候单纯的爱情剧却不是我的茶……有时会觉得，大概我这辈子萌不了也搞不出简简单单的纯爱，如果在这种感情里不掺杂一些不那么像爱但又同样动人或者伤人的东西的话，我大概是萌不起来的。回顾一下自己萌过的CP，基本都充满了遗憾、恨意、伤逝、愤怒、欺骗、战友、敌人等等等等不那么像爱的东西，但只有这种不那么爱，才真正能击中我的萌点（所以说三次元也是非恋爱体质吧……
扯了那么多只是想说，big bang因为文章太长，如果没有一定的保证我是不太敢看的……一方面因为攻受上站在大众的反面太容易中枪，另一方面单纯的romance又不太是我的菜。所以这篇推文如此对我的胃口（至少在看了一半的现在），真是太棒了TvT
“We weren’t finished,” he said to the waters of the lake. “We spent all that time worrying about the world…” The wind whistled past his ears, faster and faster, snatching the words out of his mouth as he spoke them, making him doubt whether they had ever been said out loud at all. “We never had time for ourselves. He never had a chance to be Arthur. He was always the Prince or the King. The Ruler, the Conqueror, the Tyrant.” He spat the last word, remembering Mordred’s speech on the battlefield. “It wasn’t fair. He gave you everything. We gave you everything!” He raised his voice above the level of the wind as it whipped the material of his clothes around him. “It wasn’t FAIR!”
There was a clap of thunder that shook the ground and the trees; lightning flashed across the sky; and then, the world hung there for a second, the water paused mid wave, the bows of the trees bent dangerously towards him, and even the air seemed frozen. Just as suddenly as it had come, the wind stopped, the water crashed downwards again, as though it had just been dropped, and the trees sprang back upright.
Merlin bowed his head and glared at the ground. There was power coursing through him; he could control the weather, he could command time. He had the power to kill with a glance, and to save lives. Why not this? Why not go further?
The grass ruffled slightly, though there was no longer even a breeze on the wind.
Why not?
We cannot play at being gods.
Why not?
粗体完全表达我的心TOT！！！之前看413的时候就想吐糟这剧里的梅林真是有点play god了，不过这篇里的梅林真的彻底放开顾虑play god反而超带感！TVT
“We know where he is.”
“Where?”
“What would you give us for that information?” the second voice whispered against his cheek. “How much is he worth?”
“Anything – I’ll give you anything,” Merlin said.
“Would you give us your magic?” The first voice asked, and Merlin drew in a deep breath before nodding firmly.
“Yes.”
“Your eternal life?”
“Yes,” he didn’t even need to think about it.
“Your soul?” He nodded slowly.
“One kiss?”
“What?” he tried to turn round, to face the woman who had spoken, but strong hands held him in place.
这段也是笑得我XDDDD，什么都行哦，什么都可以！生命灵魂魔法全都没问题！但是一个吻？XDDDD
“That’s because I’m you,” the other self told him, bringing their swords together, hilt to hilt, and trying to force him downwards, but Arthur stood his ground. “There’s no way to beat me.”
“There is always a way to beat an opponent,” Arthur told him firmly, reciting words he had used over and over again to assure scared young knights and squires before battle. “There is always hope.”
“You don’t believe that,” his own voice whispered to him, before Excalibur was brought back and around as fast as lightning, and Arthur barely had time to bring up his own blade to block it. “In the end, everything dies and everything you did came to nothing.”
“But I’m still fighting…” Arthur said.
“What for?” His double asked. “What are you fighting for?”
“For Merlin,” he breathed, without even waiting for a moment, “For Merlin, for Camelot and for…” He attacked again in earnest, but every swing was blocked, every thrust deflected and the double danced away, so light on his feet it was as though he were floating.
“For what, Arthur - King Arthur - High King of Albion, who brought his people to ruin?”
“I. Did. Not.” Arthur bellowed, punctuating his final word with as powerful a swing as he could muster, the clang of metal against metal reverberated and the crowd gasped.
“Camelot has fallen because of you and your pet magician…” he told himself. “It is gone, but you wish to live again for him and for what else…”
“For me.” Arthur said under his breath as he was forced down to one knee. “For me!”
这段看得眼泪差点掉下来……一直以来都很喜欢的一个意向就是与自己争战，这篇里的亚瑟面对自己真的超棒TOT……
而且前几天也一直忍不住在想The Once and Future King的结局。忘记在哪里看到过一个说法，说亚瑟王的悲剧是典型的希腊悲剧精神，当时觉得有点扯，总觉得北方的悲剧和南方还是有很大差别。后来翻自己的博，发现当年做的读书笔记，希腊的英雄与北方英雄的区别就是，北方的英雄在疼痛与死亡面前不表现出任何恐惧，而希腊的英雄有他作为人的恐惧与弱点，但他就是带着这些人性的弱点赴死。那么亚瑟的故事的确符合这种感觉，因为弱点而被莫高斯引诱生下莫德雷德，然后因为这个弱点陨落。
但是看The Once and Future King时哭得最厉害的，是这段：
Arthur was tired out. He had been broken by the two battles which he had fought already, the one at Dover, the other at Barbam Down. His wife was a prisoner. His oldest friend was banished. His son was trying to kill him. Gawain was buried. His Table was dispersed. His country was at war.
失去了一切的人，一生的努力与梦想付之东流，但即使是这样他还是叫来了马萝莉，告诉他，他花了一生的时间用手掌为一支小小的蜡烛挡风，而现在他需要马萝莉把这支烛火传下去。
矫情点说，人在命运的洪流面前不过是螳臂当车，再伟大的人也是一样。但即使所做的一切都是虚空都被摧毁，还能站起来坚持为此战斗到死的，这种死扛到底的精神大概也是人身上最美丽的东西之一。所以在看到这段的时候，真心觉得找到mariana_oconnor小姐这样脑波合适的作者真是一种福音啊TOT
亚瑟在有三扇门的房间里遇到奥克尼兄弟也超赞TOT！看到Gareth, Gaheris和Gawaine名字的时候真是有迷之感动和虐ToT……
He imagined Arthur, sapped of colour, just shades of grey rather than red and gold, reaching out with hands that could not hold a sword, or push him, or drift over his shoulders gently. He imagined his King robbed of warmth and voice, left to drift into nothing, walking the same steps over and over again, with no purpose and no end. His mind rebelled and he felt sick to his stomach. This was not Arthur’s death.
这一段我是我的爱TVT，作者对亚瑟一定是真爱啊……（够了
亚瑟实在是个与死亡相比更适合生命的家伙（？）即使有亚瑟王之死这个固定结局板上钉钉，他也会是那种死了也不太平的类型吧XD，BBC的那个亚瑟wwwww
所以说梅林快点把他召唤出来打圣杯战争啊（不对！
“Arthur,” his mother whispered reverently, brushing a kiss to the top of his forehead as she held him in her arms.
He had never known that his mother lived long enough to hold him. He had always thought that she had been dead before she had even seen him and no one had ever told him differently.
“It was worth it,” she said again, her voice so very soft. “You were worth it.” She looked up, directly into the older Arthur’s eyes, seeing him quite clearly and spoke directly to him. “Know that I did it willingly, and I love you.”
这段真心是看哭了TwT……亚瑟和父母是死穴啊TOT
看到卡米洛的终结又是眼泪汪汪……mariana_oconnor小姐怎么能这么美！！！原本以为是永恒的东西也有终结的一天，一旦终结就不能回来……这种忧伤的感觉简直要人命
更不用提这种情况下亚瑟的反应TvT，必须找到梅林否则梅林就一个人孤单地游荡在记忆之外的永恒里ToT……真是恨不得死在mariana_ocornor小姐的键盘前啊TOT
梅林去瓦尔哈拉找亚瑟这段也超催泪……He is called the Once and Futue King，看到永恒之王的名头出来的时候眼泪都要掉下来……同样的在看到命运三女神的时候鸟肌了TvT
There was a clap of thunder that shook the ground and the trees; lightning flashed across the sky; and then, the world hung there for a second, the water paused mid wave, the bows of the trees bent dangerously towards him, and even the air seemed frozen. Just as suddenly as it had come, the wind stopped, the water crashed downwards again, as though it had just been dropped, and the trees sprang back upright.
Merlin bowed his head and glared at the ground. There was power coursing through him; he could control the weather, he could command time. He had the power to kill with a glance, and to save lives. Why not this? Why not go further?
The grass ruffled slightly, though there was no longer even a breeze on the wind.
Why not?
We cannot play at being gods.
Why not?
粗体完全表达我的心TOT！！！之前看413的时候就想吐糟这剧里的梅林真是有点play god了，不过这篇里的梅林真的彻底放开顾虑play god反而超带感！TVT
“We know where he is.”
“Where?”
“What would you give us for that information?” the second voice whispered against his cheek. “How much is he worth?”
“Anything – I’ll give you anything,” Merlin said.
“Would you give us your magic?” The first voice asked, and Merlin drew in a deep breath before nodding firmly.
“Yes.”
“Your eternal life?”
“Yes,” he didn’t even need to think about it.
“Your soul?” He nodded slowly.
“One kiss?”
“What?” he tried to turn round, to face the woman who had spoken, but strong hands held him in place.
这段也是笑得我XDDDD，什么都行哦，什么都可以！生命灵魂魔法全都没问题！但是一个吻？XDDDD
“That’s because I’m you,” the other self told him, bringing their swords together, hilt to hilt, and trying to force him downwards, but Arthur stood his ground. “There’s no way to beat me.”
“There is always a way to beat an opponent,” Arthur told him firmly, reciting words he had used over and over again to assure scared young knights and squires before battle. “There is always hope.”
“You don’t believe that,” his own voice whispered to him, before Excalibur was brought back and around as fast as lightning, and Arthur barely had time to bring up his own blade to block it. “In the end, everything dies and everything you did came to nothing.”
“But I’m still fighting…” Arthur said.
“What for?” His double asked. “What are you fighting for?”
“For Merlin,” he breathed, without even waiting for a moment, “For Merlin, for Camelot and for…” He attacked again in earnest, but every swing was blocked, every thrust deflected and the double danced away, so light on his feet it was as though he were floating.
“For what, Arthur - King Arthur - High King of Albion, who brought his people to ruin?”
“I. Did. Not.” Arthur bellowed, punctuating his final word with as powerful a swing as he could muster, the clang of metal against metal reverberated and the crowd gasped.
“Camelot has fallen because of you and your pet magician…” he told himself. “It is gone, but you wish to live again for him and for what else…”
“For me.” Arthur said under his breath as he was forced down to one knee. “For me!”
这段看得眼泪差点掉下来……一直以来都很喜欢的一个意向就是与自己争战，这篇里的亚瑟面对自己真的超棒TOT……
而且前几天也一直忍不住在想The Once and Future King的结局。忘记在哪里看到过一个说法，说亚瑟王的悲剧是典型的希腊悲剧精神，当时觉得有点扯，总觉得北方的悲剧和南方还是有很大差别。后来翻自己的博，发现当年做的读书笔记，希腊的英雄与北方英雄的区别就是，北方的英雄在疼痛与死亡面前不表现出任何恐惧，而希腊的英雄有他作为人的恐惧与弱点，但他就是带着这些人性的弱点赴死。那么亚瑟的故事的确符合这种感觉，因为弱点而被莫高斯引诱生下莫德雷德，然后因为这个弱点陨落。
但是看The Once and Future King时哭得最厉害的，是这段：
Arthur was tired out. He had been broken by the two battles which he had fought already, the one at Dover, the other at Barbam Down. His wife was a prisoner. His oldest friend was banished. His son was trying to kill him. Gawain was buried. His Table was dispersed. His country was at war.
失去了一切的人，一生的努力与梦想付之东流，但即使是这样他还是叫来了马萝莉，告诉他，他花了一生的时间用手掌为一支小小的蜡烛挡风，而现在他需要马萝莉把这支烛火传下去。
矫情点说，人在命运的洪流面前不过是螳臂当车，再伟大的人也是一样。但即使所做的一切都是虚空都被摧毁，还能站起来坚持为此战斗到死的，这种死扛到底的精神大概也是人身上最美丽的东西之一。所以在看到这段的时候，真心觉得找到mariana_oconnor小姐这样脑波合适的作者真是一种福音啊TOT
亚瑟在有三扇门的房间里遇到奥克尼兄弟也超赞TOT！看到Gareth, Gaheris和Gawaine名字的时候真是有迷之感动和虐ToT……
He imagined Arthur, sapped of colour, just shades of grey rather than red and gold, reaching out with hands that could not hold a sword, or push him, or drift over his shoulders gently. He imagined his King robbed of warmth and voice, left to drift into nothing, walking the same steps over and over again, with no purpose and no end. His mind rebelled and he felt sick to his stomach. This was not Arthur’s death.
这一段我是我的爱TVT，作者对亚瑟一定是真爱啊……（够了
亚瑟实在是个与死亡相比更适合生命的家伙（？）即使有亚瑟王之死这个固定结局板上钉钉，他也会是那种死了也不太平的类型吧XD，BBC的那个亚瑟wwwww
所以说梅林快点把他召唤出来打圣杯战争啊（不对！
“Arthur,” his mother whispered reverently, brushing a kiss to the top of his forehead as she held him in her arms.
He had never known that his mother lived long enough to hold him. He had always thought that she had been dead before she had even seen him and no one had ever told him differently.
“It was worth it,” she said again, her voice so very soft. “You were worth it.” She looked up, directly into the older Arthur’s eyes, seeing him quite clearly and spoke directly to him. “Know that I did it willingly, and I love you.”
这段真心是看哭了TwT……亚瑟和父母是死穴啊TOT
看到卡米洛的终结又是眼泪汪汪……mariana_oconnor小姐怎么能这么美！！！原本以为是永恒的东西也有终结的一天，一旦终结就不能回来……这种忧伤的感觉简直要人命
更不用提这种情况下亚瑟的反应TvT，必须找到梅林否则梅林就一个人孤单地游荡在记忆之外的永恒里ToT……真是恨不得死在mariana_ocornor小姐的键盘前啊TOT
梅林去瓦尔哈拉找亚瑟这段也超催泪……He is called the Once and Futue King，看到永恒之王的名头出来的时候眼泪都要掉下来……同样的在看到命运三女神的时候鸟肌了TvT
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無題
鉴于文的一些感慨围脖上已经评过了所以不再重复，只是看到“死扛到底”这点，因为复习的时候看到论语看到史记也忍不住纠结过这个问题，所以有些略微跑偏的感慨……
李长之先生说：夫子最伟大的一点就是“知其不可而为之”，他的真精神就在不顾现实上，孔子因为不顾现实，直然空做了一个堂吉诃德式的人物而失败了，然而是光荣的失败，他的人格正因此而不朽。他说孔子的一生是一个浪漫人物挣扎向古典的过程，七十而从心所欲，不逾矩，到了生命的最后，他的挣扎成功了，于是也就在这种心灵深处，有了自己的归宿了。
李先生还说司马迁一方面承认客观力量，但另一方面却又同情那些作“无效的抵抗”的英雄，所以书中充分发挥所谓“悲剧意识”——贯穿全书的，是一种抒情的命运感。
看史记的时候我曾经默默崩溃过一段时间，纪传体真是个可怕的东西，你发现无论多辉煌多伟大的人生，最后留下不过薄薄一页纸，而在你把一个人的一生这样坦白到残忍的摆在面前的时候，又会发现，很多地方都不由自己。那么这种徒然的挣扎是有意义的么？如果千秋万岁名不过是寂寞身后事，而且还不一定每个人都会有千秋万岁名，那么这些坚守和痛苦是值得的么？
然后今天早上听明朝那些事儿，听到文天祥那一段，说蒙古征战四方攻城略地，然而羸弱的南宋，他们打了整整五十多年。于是想起课本上说文天祥作集杜诗，在被俘的岁月里，他把杜甫的诗句排列组合，表达今时今地的感慨。这样看来总是有意义的吧，不管对与错，顺应或者抵抗历史的潮流，每个人都总得有所坚守，而你曾经的坚守，也必将照耀他人未来的道路。
呃………………貌似跑得有点远~最近复习太苦逼一时说嗨了……抱歉啊~
李长之先生说：夫子最伟大的一点就是“知其不可而为之”，他的真精神就在不顾现实上，孔子因为不顾现实，直然空做了一个堂吉诃德式的人物而失败了，然而是光荣的失败，他的人格正因此而不朽。他说孔子的一生是一个浪漫人物挣扎向古典的过程，七十而从心所欲，不逾矩，到了生命的最后，他的挣扎成功了，于是也就在这种心灵深处，有了自己的归宿了。
李先生还说司马迁一方面承认客观力量，但另一方面却又同情那些作“无效的抵抗”的英雄，所以书中充分发挥所谓“悲剧意识”——贯穿全书的，是一种抒情的命运感。
看史记的时候我曾经默默崩溃过一段时间，纪传体真是个可怕的东西，你发现无论多辉煌多伟大的人生，最后留下不过薄薄一页纸，而在你把一个人的一生这样坦白到残忍的摆在面前的时候，又会发现，很多地方都不由自己。那么这种徒然的挣扎是有意义的么？如果千秋万岁名不过是寂寞身后事，而且还不一定每个人都会有千秋万岁名，那么这些坚守和痛苦是值得的么？
然后今天早上听明朝那些事儿，听到文天祥那一段，说蒙古征战四方攻城略地，然而羸弱的南宋，他们打了整整五十多年。于是想起课本上说文天祥作集杜诗，在被俘的岁月里，他把杜甫的诗句排列组合，表达今时今地的感慨。这样看来总是有意义的吧，不管对与错，顺应或者抵抗历史的潮流，每个人都总得有所坚守，而你曾经的坚守，也必将照耀他人未来的道路。
呃………………貌似跑得有点远~最近复习太苦逼一时说嗨了……抱歉啊~
Re:無題
蹭蹭=3=，没事了我也是脑子里天天开无轨电车（喂
其实我对堂吉诃德式的人物一直都很有好感TvT……说起来现实其实就是被这些不顾现实的人所一步一步推动的吧，没有人去仰望星空的话所有人就始终都站在地面上了><
哦哦孔子的例子让我觉得突然理解了为什么永恒之王最后亚瑟会带着平静的心情赴死TvT，抱抱雪姑娘……其实作为文盲史记和论语都没有看过，不过以前看玛丽王后传记的时候也有很强的这种感觉，作为个人被历史的潮流碾压而过，最后的尊严就是白纸上的一张铅笔素描像TvT……在看永恒之王的时候，看到说亚瑟的命运：梅林并没有培养他获得个人的幸福，而是需要他去获取王者的幸福，统一阿尔比恩。这时就觉得，跟微博上说过的差不多吧，个人的小幸福与历史上青史留名也许是不能兼得的。所以就好比一个人会努力去争取留住自己身边的人一样，他也会尽力去留住自己的圆桌和骑士精神的理想吧，就好比即使知道最亲爱的人时日无多，也不会放弃抢救一样（比喻太奇怪被揍了……
大概就是因为这各种各样的事情，才会觉得坚守的人类真是太美啦TvT！说起来还从来没有用这种视角去看过南宋TvT，好感动
其实我对堂吉诃德式的人物一直都很有好感TvT……说起来现实其实就是被这些不顾现实的人所一步一步推动的吧，没有人去仰望星空的话所有人就始终都站在地面上了><
哦哦孔子的例子让我觉得突然理解了为什么永恒之王最后亚瑟会带着平静的心情赴死TvT，抱抱雪姑娘……其实作为文盲史记和论语都没有看过，不过以前看玛丽王后传记的时候也有很强的这种感觉，作为个人被历史的潮流碾压而过，最后的尊严就是白纸上的一张铅笔素描像TvT……在看永恒之王的时候，看到说亚瑟的命运：梅林并没有培养他获得个人的幸福，而是需要他去获取王者的幸福，统一阿尔比恩。这时就觉得，跟微博上说过的差不多吧，个人的小幸福与历史上青史留名也许是不能兼得的。所以就好比一个人会努力去争取留住自己身边的人一样，他也会尽力去留住自己的圆桌和骑士精神的理想吧，就好比即使知道最亲爱的人时日无多，也不会放弃抢救一样（比喻太奇怪被揍了……
大概就是因为这各种各样的事情，才会觉得坚守的人类真是太美啦TvT！说起来还从来没有用这种视角去看过南宋TvT，好感动
此身非我有
ＨＮ：
淇奥
性別：
非公開
自己紹介：
Don't try to fix me
I'm not broken
I'm not broken
近乡情更怯
夜深千帐灯
楼高四面风
人生如逆旅
杏花疏影里
穿林打叶声
诗酒趁年华
